Category: silly

Critters the New Binge (2019)Basically a movie…

Critters the New Binge (2019)

Basically a movie in disguise as a streaming binge worthy mini series. Each episode is less then 10 minutes making the whole thing barely and hour and a half. Just another element on the pun that makes the film a “new binge”. Get it they eat a lot and internet tv junkies demand a lot.. hyuk hyuk. Actually this is pretty funny. I am shocked by the Critters fans that hate on this online as the whole thing is basically a spoof of the series. It does not deny or fully admit that the movies happened. Also may I say right now that parts 3 and 4 of the movies are boring as hell so it’s not like Critters has a rep that needs to be protected. This being said by a guy that abso – freakin – lutley loves Critters 2 . It is one of my favorite films of all time.  My parents bought a vhs of it for me when I was way too young but it shut me up as I watched it in awe over and over as a kid so in their minds it was worth it.  

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The basic plot is : A hit squad of professional “Crites” aka Critters return to earth an track down some sassy kids in search of a missing Critter that has been hiding on earth for a long time. The space bounty hunters follow up to stop the Crites but they don’t care who gets in their way.  A kid called Porkchop must face all the comic carnage and decide who is less evil Critters or Bounty Hunters. Not exactly a Captain Marvel twist but I warn you they do make a Mission Impossible joke, a Matrix joke and an Infinity War joke in the series. So ok, ok, I guess it’s more of a spoof than a sequel. 

Many people online are saying the mini series is a kids friendly take on Critters and that is not true either. Yes it is much more cartoony as the movies always hinted towards the Critters having human like lives where they are not just animals and the series dwells on that. Its like Gremlins 2 but dumber. Each Critter has its own personality and many have specific costumes. The leader of the Critters even speaks in a funny English accent. (also like Gremlins 2) But instead of the smart Gremlin that says “I would like to have  a word with you” the smart Critter says “I would like you to go fuck yourself”. 

There is plenty of gore made safe in comic book silliness. Most kills are off screen only to show a gore soaked body afterwards due to budget.

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So it is playing off cartoon logic this time around but more like Rick and Morty instead of Adventure Time. As the Critters series answers the age old questions… Spoiler… What is it like to have sex with a Critter?

 Ok maybe no one asked that question. But they answer it anyways. 

 Higher on laughs and less on gore but I feel more of that is due to budget restraints than to be kid friendly. Yes Critters was the R rated heavy metal scumbag version of Gremlins and Critters New Binge is what I feel is a natural fusion between the two. This is kind of what I would expect Critters to be in 2019.

 So ok maybe not for everybody.  The mini episode element is tedious as they feel the need to cram the same comedy and action beats into each episode weaking those elements, so they can fit it in each time. This sadly will be something we will see more of as more episodes for streaming sites helps the algorithms, hits, logins and makes it look more popular than just a movie or just 5 episodes max.  C’est la vie. However that being said this Rick and Morty style Critters is pretty funny and is filled with many in jokes for long time fans as well as easy for younger new hip internet savvy kids to jump in on Nickelodeon kids show with a shocking low moral compass. Yes that’s it it’s a grindhouse monster movie take on That’s So Raven…. oh fuck did I just say that.  And a cameo by Gilbert Godfrey. If you like silly I highly recommend you take a bite out of this. 

106- Escape Clause (S1E6) Jon Lovitz does not…

106- Escape Clause (S1E6)

Jon Lovitz does not present: Paid Self-Promotion, Captain Baby, Only All Dogs Go To Heaven, Empty Wheelchair Threat, Little Jesuses, Oh The Places You’ll Jerk Off in this Self Rip-Off Episode.

106- Escape Clause (S1E6) Jon Lovitz does not…

106- Escape Clause (S1E6)

Jon Lovitz does not present: Paid Self-Promotion, Captain Baby, Only All Dogs Go To Heaven, Empty Wheelchair Threat, Little Jesuses, Oh The Places You’ll Jerk Off in this Self Rip-Off Episode.

105- Walking Distance (S1E5) Ron Howard does …

105- Walking Distance (S1E5)

Ron Howard does not present: Time, Delta, and Eug talk Truth Movie Quotes, How We Won The War, Eug discovers Radio, The Most Polite Town, Rod “Padding” Serling, The Blunning Blan, Cigarette Distance, and Blades Lollipops in what they used to call a Steally.

105- Walking Distance (S1E5) Ron Howard does …

105- Walking Distance (S1E5)

Ron Howard does not present: Time, Delta, and Eug talk Truth Movie Quotes, How We Won The War, Eug discovers Radio, The Most Polite Town, Rod “Padding” Serling, The Blunning Blan, Cigarette Distance, and Blades Lollipops in what they used to call a Steally.

104- The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine (S1E4) Tom…

104- The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine (S1E4)

Tom Cruise Does Not Present: Time, Delta and Eug talk about #SecondCivilWar, Sinatra is Trash, Spy Al Yankovic, Hell’s Hierarchy, The 1930’s Ice Age, “Is he dead? I hope so!”, A Magic Pig Hoof, and a Death Flashback during this Dramatic episode.

104- The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine (S1E4) Tom…

104- The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine (S1E4)

Tom Cruise Does Not Present: Time, Delta and Eug talk about #SecondCivilWar, Sinatra is Trash, Spy Al Yankovic, Hell’s Hierarchy, The 1930’s Ice Age, “Is he dead? I hope so!”, A Magic Pig Hoof, and a Death Flashback during this Dramatic episode.

103- Mr Denton on Doomsday (S1E3) Time, Delta…

103- Mr Denton on Doomsday (S1E3)

Time, Delta, and Eug talk Wagwan, Global Warming Player One, Real Life Looney Tunes, Dirty Wild West, You Can’t Tell Time, Sobering Pride, Driver Jimmy Time, Dr. Rod Serling, during this Drunken Mess of an episode.

103- Mr Denton on Doomsday (S1E3) Time, Delta…

103- Mr Denton on Doomsday (S1E3)

Time, Delta, and Eug talk Wagwan, Global Warming Player One, Real Life Looney Tunes, Dirty Wild West, You Can’t Tell Time, Sobering Pride, Driver Jimmy Time, Dr. Rod Serling, during this Drunken Mess of an episode.

Yesterday day was Paul Rubens (Pee Wee Herman)…

Yesterday day was Paul Rubens (Pee Wee Herman) Birthday and today is the 25 anniversary of the first episode of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (the first American incarnation of Super Sentai)

What a great geeky time indeed!