Category: riot

Hey.. you read my books yet?

Doing some fundraising for the next flick. IF you have not downloaded my two books on bad movies. NOW is the time. 2.25 only for BOTH E books.. full of stupid and full of laughs. DOWNLOAD IT NOW!!!

 https://payhip.com/b/i8B9

Starting on a 3rd book soon.. getting these downloads makes that possible too.

Another Podcast PI returns with the test strea…

Another Podcast PI returns with the test streak:

Another Podcast PI returns .. Sort of.. This is a test .. ONLY an hour and 20 minute test as Adam and Bob talk about OLD wrestling gimmicks in the old rude way they used to.. over a year ago! If you are insane enough to listen to this then please msg us and tell us what topic of geeky weird stuff you want us to talk about next week on the official episode one of the RETURN of another podcast. Msg here or on tumblr or on instagram its all Riot at the movies. After this the show will be Riot at the movies Presents Another Podcast! https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/anotherpodcastpi/episodes/2019-05-10T18_27_02-07_00

IT IS ONLY A FUCKING WEEK AWAY!!!

IT IS ONLY A FUCKING WEEK AWAY!!!

Thanks to everyone who came out to Terrible to…

Thanks to everyone who came out to Terrible toonie tuesday tonight, I hope we see you all next month for the insanely hilarious MARK OF DRACULA.. take a look at what you missed and what is coming up next month in this 

The rest of the stinkothon

In the last  two days I have watched Chubbies, BloodOrgy at Beaver Lake, The Ghastlies, Nemesis 5, Mark of Dracula , Dragon Fury and BattleQueen 2020. I did not review the last two as they were both just blah. 

However I do semi recommend Dragon Fury (1995) is owned by Troma and is a super low budget Sword and Sandal / post apocalyptic romp that was huge through the 80s and made even cheaper than usually in the early 90s.  An blonde studly Barbarian must travel through time to present day to save the future.   A month or so ago I reviewed Time Barbarians also owned by Troma and that movie is much better with a much more badass Barbarian and more polished a movie (for as bad a movie as it was going to be anyways) . So look up my review on that. The twist in Dragon Fury is these barbarians are actually from a post apocalypse future and need to go back to 1999 when an earthquake would happen letting a terrible disease wipe out most of mankind.

The thing to take away from that movie is in the beginning in the barbarian future I was not paying that much attention and just thought it was the cheaped movie ever cause some warriors had regular t shirts on and some even had watches and sunglasses. It looked like a bunch of Larpers were pretending to be viking and barbarians with Typecasted Richard Lynch as an evil wizard being the most expensive thing in the film. But they I realised they were messed up freaks in the future so I guess that makes more sense. Deep down I believe they started filming and realised how shit it looked so they changed the plot just to cover up the mistakes. Usually Barbarians travel to present day, Time Barbarians, Beast Master 2 and Masters of the Universe due to budget and lack of set pieces. But I think they did it this time cause the whole thing stunk. The main hero is followed into the present day by two bad guys and a warrior maiden that is trying to find him to help him. Sadly she is offed too soon in the movie cause her assets needed to be in this movie way more… if ya knows what Im sayin.. nudge nudge say no more. 

I am now told there is a sequel… and well.. I will get around to it. 

BattleQueen2020 was the other film starring Julie Strain and I hear she is going through a very tough time in her life right now so I wont say much about that movie as it was one of those late 90s patched together multi projects that were made by LA tv companies but added lots of nudity to sell it in the late night cable market. Its again another post apocalyptic where a Brothel head madam must become a warrior and rebel leader. Suffering some super awkward slow fight scenes and extra awkward soft music late night cable naked grinding sex scenes.  Julie is a true Amazon that is not to be messed with but I advise check out her Andy Sidaris movies which are filmed by the same kind of quality hollywood tv hacks and sold for the same cheap exploitive reasons but at least Julie and her co hosts are funny in them. BattleQueen has this amazing Simon Bisley cover and poster since it was around the time they were all involved in Heavy Metal Magazine together. Do not let that amazing cover make you think it has aaannnything to do with this movie as it was probably for a Fakk2 comic book story.

Hope the best for Julie Strains health issues and note she has a million more super cheesy bad movies and some of them are actually fun.

So thumbs half way for Dragon Fury and down for BattleQueen . Instead I say check out Time Barbarians and then Day of the Warrior for a better Julie Strain romp.   See I watch these bad movies so you don’t have to take the chance and so I can say the word Romp more than usual.

Commando Ninja stream for free

The Makers of Commando Ninja chose to give the movie away for free online. An 80s spoof of Arnie meets Reb Brown meets Michael Dudikoff films in a Godfrey Ho vhs world. Now I will note I am in general not a fan of these spoofs so much . Turo Kid was great cause it had original characters with its own passion over the gags. But the world love Kung Fury no matter how much I hated its dumb gags that was more internet gag than anything smart about the genre of movie, Kung Fury made me a grumpy old man cause it felt like kids making jokes about something they were not there for. But Commando Ninja seems to know what it is talking about so for me it floats in the middle. Enough of me… why dont you check it out. Its just over an hour. Enjoy. 

Regular

So I am working the counter at Eyesore all day today… well 3 till 10pm. So at 6:30 pm till about 10 pmI will be playing an assortment of cartoons in the back room. (see the picture for the choices I am bringing)
Its Free (well you can leave spare change donations in a cup.. that will be going to the toy drive) . SOOOoooo come and join me , watch some weird old cartoons and get the bar next door to deliver some food. 🙂

If you are not local I shall be posting some video links after 7 to some of the same shows we will be watching… you know so you can join in at home 🙂

31 days of real Hallo WEINERS! 

31 days of real Hallo WEINERS! 

Ghoul School (1990)

The infamous kingpin of shot on video horror comedy schlock. Trust me that is a title to be proud of. Cheap and dumb and is totally ok with it. A high school misadventures that leads nerds into a mix up with criminals and deadly chemicals that turns the school kids into zombies. Luckily the nerds watch a lot of bad horror movies so they spring into dorky action. Pointless swearing and over acting, evil adults and stoned teenagers verses of course the living dead. Cheerleaders (especially swim team girls) and dumb gags and a few throat tears outs are all you need to please me sometime. The gags are so bad that they eventually have a stand up comedian show up and do dirty jokes for no reason whatsoever , well except to pad time. Also add go to cheapie metal band to fill in time too (that is a staple that all old school bad horror films need so you just have to accept it)

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Seriously imagine the amazing Class of Nuke Em High with a quarter of the budget… yeah seriously budgets can get that low as shocking as it seems. 

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 The main dorky characters are very relatable to my geeky self. Making this movie oddly ahead of its time as these days all retro horror comedies are all about geeks being aware of how to deal with the horror situation. They remind me a lot of the two horror nerds in Summer School.

You can get a collectors comic to commemorate the great BAD movies.

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So basssicaly , criminals planned on doing a drug deal at the high school with experimental drugs (or so they think) which get into the school water system by accident of course. Blue face zombies start popping up, starting with the swim team of course. The swim team now don’t just suck face with the school cheerleaders they try to eat their faces right off. But first they need to slip on every wet floor hallway in the school first.  Awkward ugly characters clash with the zombies and bad gags that there definitely is a lot to be desired but seriously get over it, put up a dumb t shirt (maybe one that exposes your belly a bit), get some beer and pizza rolls and enjoy yeah freakin’ idiots because……

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Trick or Treats 1982

Trick or Treats 1982

I always thought this was just a super bland slasher ripping off the original Halloween but I actually think it is supposed to be a comedy. Yes I say I think because I am not totally sure. Nothing is funny in this movie but at the same time nothing is actually a horror movie. Every line is delivered sarcastic and overly creepy even when there is no reason for any of the characters to act like that. 

The basic plot is a man was taken to a mental ward seven years ago and now he has escaped to get home and get revenge against his wife that sent him to the mental home. When he escapes the mental home it just happens to be Halloween night and his wife is out on a date. Only the babysitter is home taking care of the brat kid that may or may not be the mental patients son. From then on the movie basically revolves around the brat kid and the babysitter. The kid is an amateur magician and is using his skills to try and drive the babysitter crazy. These pranks the kid plays on the babysitter I think are supposed to be funny but they are insanely cruel and dark which makes me wish the kid would get killed… yeah dark .. I know. 

I also think this was supposed to be funny cause the mental patient in this may not actually be crazy cause when he is taken away he seems totally normal and when he escapes it takes him forever to get home and just seems to be a pain in the ass for him. But it reminds me of scream when the ghostface gets kicks in the nuts and says “ow my nuts”, was that supposed to be funny? Also the killer or stalker in Trick or Treats keeps getting picked up by random downtown guys since he chose to dress up like a nurse to escape the mental home. 

It is shot like an 80s slasher, the actors are the right type for an 80s slasher and the music cues are on par, the lighting and the pacing… but its not really a slasher. Even a cat jump scare and people do die.  

Great hollywood and off off hollywood cameos in this movie. The crazy stalker is played by Peter Jason that you would recognise from bit parts in ever sitcom all through the 80s. His wife is played by Carrie Snodgrass who has played aside Clint Eastwood, James Caan and Charles Bronson. Her new boyfriend is played by David fucking Carradine. But it is the real b genre actors that impress me. A cameo of Paul Bartel played as a random drunk bum. The babysitters best friend who is one of the only actual slasher type fictions is played by Jillian Kesner the star of the martial arts exploitation flick Firecracker. The wackiest factoids is the babysitter linda is played by Jacqueline Giroux who played a non sex role in the infamous porn comedy Garage girls (several other non sex actors from that movie appear as extras through this film, I am curious what the connection is)

When the mad man finally makes it home it kind of turns into a slasher but barely . The one kill is legit cruel and brutal and he seems to now be a legit killer but is it a message about how odd slashers are, is it a spoof that fails in being funny or is this a slasher with no tension what so ever made with decent production value and decent actors. I just can’t fucking tell. 

Watching Puppet Master the littlest reich ri…

Watching Puppet Master the littlest reich right now.. you know the one that everyone hated… it’s not that bad.. super flawed but editing is its worse crime. It’s basically a meta film as if what if you lived in a world that had the puppet master toys and they all came to life to kill everyone they didn’t like. There are some amazing scenes in which the real Puppet Master series have not had in years.. the main actors can actually act.. which is rare for the main series to have either. It is a lot slicker than any of the series but still a B movie in every sense of the word. The disgust people seem to have with the cruel element of the movie is over hyped cause the killers are evil and supposed to do evil things. It’s not supposed to be cool cause it wants to show you the puppets are ledit evil this time. We do get classic puppets like Blade, Torch and Pinhead but in general these are random killing machines and thats it. Its stated they do nazi hate crimes so it makes sense that would do fucking awful things. Its today’s world trying to be shocking, it is executed in a way that is paced wrong and makes you unsure if it’s shocking or funny. Funny and shocking are both things that a horror film should be though. The worst part is that we never meet half the people that are killed so you don’t care about them. However again thats supposed to be the point that all these random killings happen then we learn about the people so we can be shocked that the puppets are commiting planned hate crimes. In this day and age that is kinda shocking.. just presented in a lazy way that is all.  After a slow start the movie kicks it in out of nowhere and becomes a straight out slasher with a mini massacre in the middle of the movie.

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  It will confuse fans of the franchise (it’s a remake that is nothing like the original so of course it will piss fans off) and non fines will just wonder what the hype was cause this is just a slasher. However as a fan I still liked it and I do recommend it especially when the film finally kicks it as it is a hilarious bloody slasher with characters that are all assholes but eventually the main cast will grow on you.(plus a cool cameo by Matthias Hues and a bartender called Cuddly Bear would have been played by great by Michael Clarke Duncan were he still alive). Also without giving a spoiler , you know how classic slasher flicks always have one person die by mistake and not by the killers hands…. weeelll.. wait for that scene cause you will know it when it happens and I fucking dare you not to laugh out loud at that characters expense. Honestly the worst characters are the cops, I did not enjoy Barbara Crampton which is disappointing, the main detective was worse though.  If you go into it knowing the puppets are cameos and if you dont know them prior just assume you are not supposed to. Those that thought this was not any fun.. they are wrong. Sadly it is no Puppet Master 3 with its fantasy elements, but nothing ever will be folks. Nice little homage to the original theme song in the credits though.

 Littlest Reich is just a major slasher flick, feels like Hatchet meets Puppets … seriously people nothing will ever be Puppet Master 3.  So I will stop rambling now and say watch it.  Its waaay better than 50% of the puppet master movies .. not that thats hard. But hey it is better than Happy Time murders… if you say its not you can go fuck yourself with a Tunneler puppet.