I bought this fairly warped vhs tape for 50 cents and a friends garage sale. The very warped effects on the tape kind of added to the oddity of this lil gem that I had the honor or watching for the first time ever.
My friend said he did not remember every watching so he doubted it could be that good. But it seemed up my alley.
Only in a Mad magazine and National lampoons loving mid 80s world could this movie be born. Film professionally but at the same time an underground comedy that makes the most questionable of jokes in both taste and quality.
Ron Silver.. yes that Ron Silver folks plays a cop that is basically a young Frank Drebben of Police Squad that is hunting down a fat alien dressed in a tweed suit who likes to eat Italian.. yes like the vhs tape says he eats Italian people. Basically all you need to know other then the fact that the fat alien dressed like a nerd is played by the evil mayor from the first Toxic Avenger movie and has some solid comedy timing without actually speaking in words but in grunts.
The comedy is a time capsule of trash comedy. In the vain of movies like Night Patrol, Fast Food and Screw Balls we get childish puns and dumb gags mixed with outlandish takes on the American Judicial system and mental health. Neither subjects are suiting of this film , which I think the film is aware of but just doesn’t give a shit as this is a movie about a fat nerd alien eating people in upper New Jersey and little Italy New York.
Ron Silvers character has running gags of always speaking in out loud monologue form, getting stuck in weird alliteration puns in ways that would make classic comics like Danny Kay cringe and then the next second goes into awkward raunchy humor of how he cant give a woman and orgasm and deciding if a racist old lady is funny or not while random people get hit by cars in the background. Very fucking odd indeed. Bless you Ron.. bless you.
Imagine if Jerry Lewis, Woody Allen has sex with the Zucker Brothers , Lloyd Kaufman and the Unknown comic… then drink heavily because really did you want to visualize that? I hope not.
Tuesday, November 19, 2019 at 8:00 PM @ EYESORE CINEMA in TORONTO brought to you by Riot at the movies
Perhaps the weirdest film to screen at the 2019 Terrible Twoday fest in March is back in a new extended cut aka the Unreleased stupidity cut. This cut is now streaming online but we are screening it for one night only and we want YOU in the madness. Early screening for the extended madness. Arrive on time to see first Todd Sheets new short film that will be part of next HI Death 3 film next year. It is PWYC and ALL proceeds go to the CAMH winter clothing drive. So bring your money or bring a pack of socks for the winter needy.
Why is this a thing…. I guess so I could watch it now….. here goes..watchings in 321.. oh dear…
Update after surviving this piece of gonzo stupidity.
Midget Zombie Takeover (2013)
Imagine if this was a Chris Seaver fart comedy but non of Seavers naturally funny friends were available and everyone so often they forgot what they were doing. Soooo baaassically ..
My super quick review of Midget Zombie Takeover. A super low budget, homemade horror comedy that at first is hard to tell if its a comedy or just bad acting. Most of the midgets are just kids and kind of short people so it is hard to say they are all midgets.The rest of he cast are 40 yr olds playing teenagers having a bbq party. It is kind of funny once the zombies finally show up.. before that it’s just a very long game of badminton. All in all it is homemade dumbness that borders on bad enough to be good but the humor is so off in its timing I would not recommend for a bad movie novice. For fans of the really bad things, this fart of a movie may need to been seen to believe. Here is a picture with captions from someone else’s review online but it sums up the film pretty much all on its own when I did a google image search…. seriously why do I do this to my poor weak brain? Do not double bill with Anklebiters the zero budget midget vampire gangster movie or your brain might completely melt.
Sci-Fighters (1996) in some smaller releases known as Contagion 2009
A healthy looking Roddy Piper with a haircut that makes him look like Richard Dead Anderson is a cop walking off the beaten path who has to run down an old enemy that he thought was dead.
I watched this today because the villain is the recently passed Billy Drago who plays insane killer and mysterious disease career Adrian Dunn. Adrian died in prison on the moon but when an alien virus reanimated him he ended up wandering around Earth infecting people while on a day trip of raping and killing. What makes things worse is Roddy Piper was the cop that put him away when Dunn killed his wife. So obviously Roddy Piper wants a shot at him again. What also makes things worse is the smoggy Earth in the future of 2009 is in a full year of darkness due to volcanoes and pollution. So when a dying melting virus fueled man is walking around no one could tell the difference anyways cause no one looks all that healthy. This movie is almost Split Second meets the Incredible Melting Man. Shot as good and polish in an ugly future like Split Second but with as illogical a threat and dumb a concept as the Incredible Melting man.
Dr Kirbie Younger is trying to figure out a cure for the disease that has hit the streets when she gets mixed up with Roddy Pipers manhunt. Now this all seems to pretty regular small action sci fi film fodder , if you take in to context that this is future 2009 in Boston but is obviously filmed in Canada. As the movie goes on though you seem to think this sick old melty man could easily be taken out and maybe Roddy Piper’s character is just a little over dramatic. We get many excuses for Dr Kirbie to unbutton her shirt and show her sweaty cleavage. Not that I have a problem with that but the cheap reasons to make it “pop out” seem very forced and almost funny in a movie that is not that badly shot and run with decent dialog for such a cheesy concept. I also need to point out a pointless piece of trivia, the actress that plays Dr Kirbie is Jayne Heitmeyer she was in two episodes of Degrassi as a character called Toni Stark… just felt the need to share that.
Look at this artsy shot of the doctor talking to Piper as Piper is reflected on a plastic sheet around the sick patients/victims of Billy Drago.
Billy Drago always looked a little melting but impressively they make him look worse.
In the end when Drago and Piper final face out it takes place in an unfinished building that feels reminiscent to the end of Runaway (the Tom Selleck robot movie). Piper suits up with heavy weaponry that seems really unnecessary. You feel like Dr Kirbie could have taken Drago out herself but they needed the two guys stand off. While Sicky skeleton face Drago is shouting out the more sickly he gets the more he sounds like Tommy Wiseau. So seriously just imagine drunk Tommy Wiseau fighting Roddy Piper with a Richard Dean Anderson hair cut on scaffolding. Do you have the time to get through every thing in the middle of this movie? That is up to you. I will say the opening scene does start with two convicts in a buzzsaw fight but that is just the beginning.. that its a lot of Billy Dragon drooling and puking. So will you survive the middle of this movie? Again thats up to you. A few months ago I reviewed CyberZone and if you liked that you will like this.
RIP Piper and Drago but you know what they say gold polish on a turd is a still a turd…. or something like that.
Man that movie pilot comment is true and yet so misleading. It is like Spinal Tap meets Tremors yet not anywhere near . Honestly it was better than I expect it. Lots of great parts but like many american horror comedies of the 21st century it lacks flow. An insane opening scene that comes off fairly hilarious for monster violence and completely illogical nudity. Then jumps into a movie that basically takes the whole time in an RV either driving in the dessert or stuck in the dessert. The idiocy of the band is a lot like Spinal Tap but more as a bad impression of them instead of anywhere near as creative or funny. I have no idea where I got this idea but for some reason I thought that band in the movie was actually played by Steel Panther, which may not have been better acting but may have been more interesting. The CGI killer ants are not too bad as this is not a no budget backyard schlock movie but a jump back to way studio left over movie was handed to the lower ranks to in turn make stupid schlock movies, like Anaconda movies or especially Eight Legged Freaks. It is kind of like that as its a project by one of those guys that makes Christmas movies to help investors in hollywood make leftover money “disappear”.
The ant attacks are very on par with lesser Critter movies and as mentioned Eight Legged Freaks… but again let me say , not as enjoyable. Well ok maybe as enjoyable as Critters 4 cause I personally thought that movie stank. Tom Arnold however as the bands burned out at wits end manager is shockingly very good and almost likeable in this, in a fat run down Bruce Campbell kinda way… so yeah basically in a Bruce Campbell kinda way. Oddly enough Tom sells egotistical aged rocker with gore and pain gags as he laughs out losing his hands… hmmm also not unlike Bruce would.
Oh yeah the plot… uhhh a band on its way to perform at a stoner festival i the dessert gets stuck off the road in the middle of nowhere just as evil giant Ants invade out of the sand. They hide out in the RV as they get pegged off one by one by the monsters that get bigger and bigger . All in the name of dated hair metal references (normally I would also enjoy that) . They even use shitty hair metal to fight killer ants. A lot of driving around and bitching about life until the killer ants get them and then you get a scene as they try to find the keys to there truck while hiding the injured friends in the back and trying not to wake up the ants… so that of course is when you say “Oh yeah this is like tremors, just dumber”. It is aware that it is dumb, which does not always mean it helps the fact.
Cheap but funny with predictable monster gore and trying to hard with sex jokes and also just plain bad jokes. It all takes places in a tiny location in the desert until the end battle of the monsters at the concert location. Makes you wonder how the budget was decided. Probably to fill in contracts so no production budgets just real actors that needed to get paid, unlike most movies with similar plots these days. Well ok if you count Tom Arnold, Jake Busey and Sean Astin as buyable actors. Oh yeah and Tommy Hill from Twin Peaks.
Sean Astin in his laziest role, he bare even gets up in the movie. I guess you get what you pay for eh Rudy? Goonies never say die and neither does metal dude. Actually SPOILER Sean Astin does and he gets fucked wrecked which is his best part in the movie cause he is covered in gore effects. Kudos Sean.
All and all not thrilled but I think people will get a laugh out of it. However you could just double bill Spinal Tap and Tremors and be doing a million times better for yourself.