Category: movies

2 dollars a movie or 5 dollars for both days…

2 dollars a movie or 5 dollars for both days ALL access. The shorts on friday and the market on saturday are both free regardless.

RIOT IS GOING CRAZY OVER GEEK SWAP 9 GEEK SW…

RIOT IS GOING CRAZY OVER GEEK SWAP 9
GEEK SWAP 9 this saturday Feb 24th in Toronto … SHARE THIS NOW!!

Still time to donate and vote

TO THE MARATHON OF DOOM AKA THE MOVIE PAIN A THON

IF you have movies you want me to watch during my approximate 20 hour PAIN aTHON of bad movies… donate to https://payhip.com/b/d4EO  VOTE HERE THEN MESSAGE ME YOUR MOVIE CHOICE!

Just a dollar gets your vote in and it will get you thanked in my next book “Riot at the movies presents: Bad movies and Booze!”

PLACE YOUR VOTE HERE AND GET YOUR CERTIFICATE OF APPROVAL

Movies already requested to be my near 20 hours of torture are The brain that wouldn’t die, Gorgasm, Satans Black Wedding, Mega shark vs Mecha Shark, SHE , Young Einstein, Attack of the super monsters and Killer Klowns from Kansas on Crack … oohh dear

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Better early than never.. ummm well anyways …

Better early than never.. ummm well anyways a day early its the next Terrible Toonie Tuesday video .. this weeks is Track of the Moonbeast https://youtu.be/vQdL_lQmVRs

oh hey its me.. and a moonbeast

VHS its Dynamite!

VHS its Dynamite!

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

“’Cowboys & Aliens’ is an agreeable time-killer, but I’ll bet a couple of clever kids could make a livelier movie with a Woody puppet and a Predator doll.” –David Edelstein, New York Magazine

Reviewed by Kyle

French vanilla yogurt, an accountant from Branson, Missouri and Cowboys & Aliens – three things that take no risks. For the first two this trait is an asset, but for Jon Favreau’s 2011 film it is certainly to its detriment. Before its release I was sure audiences were in for a summertime treat. With the first two installments of the Iron Man franchise, Favreau had proven himself to be as entertaining behind the camera as he is in front. Old Hollywood muscle met new with the additions of both Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig as leading men. Mix these elements with an interesting sci-fi/western genre crossover concept, and the possibilities for an engrossing film seemed wider than the prairie sky.

Bling Bling

What viewers received instead is another safe studio tropefest. The film opens in an interesting fashion as Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) awakes in the wilderness with a technologically advanced metal bracelet. Lonegran is still as disorientated as the audience when he is discovered by some bounty hunters who quickly harass him into demonstrating those James Bond martial art moves we have all come to love. Lonergan steals some clothes and a horse and rides into the rural southwestern town of Stereotype…er… Absolution. There Lonegran meets the whiny, entitled character Paul Dano plays in every western. He soon is locked up with Dano after a warrant for Lonegran’s arrest is discovered.

At nightfall Lonergan is about to be sent to US Marshalls in Santa Fe when local hardass horsetrader (and Dano’s father) Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford) attempts to capture Lonergan in revenge for stolen gold. But before that can happen, aliens enter in fighter planes and abduct minor characters we have no real emotional connection with. This leaves the rest to form a motley crew of clichés in order to save the day. Everybody makes the cut: the sexy stranger with a secret (Olivia Wilde), the common-sense barkeep (Sam Rockwell), the wise but disrespected Native American (Adam Beach), the gun-toting man of God (Clancy Brown), and the pure of heart child (Noah Ringer). After fighting bandits and indulging in drug-induced flashbacks with the local native tribe, Lonergan leads them to the final showdown with the computer generated menaces from beyond the stars.

“Quick, to the next cliché!”

Cowboys & Aliens opened second behind The Smurfs the weekend of July 29, 2011. In total the $163 million film made only $100 million domestically. International release allowed Paramount to essentially break even on the film, hardly the summer blockbuster they expected. Instead of being either a dark, engaging thriller about isolated people outmatched by superior beasts or a campy spin through two beloved genres, Cowboys & Aliens decides it will be the boring parts of both. Its PG-13 rating also ensures that whenever something has the potential to be disturbing, depressing, trippy, or mind-bending, it will instead never be fully developed or explored. Craig, Ford and the rest of the cast do well for the material as does Favreau with his direction. But the end result is mediocre, leaning neither toward good nor bad, but just simply there. This makes it perfect for sporadic cable syndication.

Two and a half stars.   

Land of the Lost (2009)

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“Putting Will Ferrell’s standard comic character in a land of dinosaurs and aliens is taking things too far. Having that character run around saying the same sorts of things he’s said in other films – and said much better – is extraordinarily lazy.”

– Tom Long, The Detroit News

Reviewed by David

Land of the Lost was branded as a major misstep in the career of Will Ferrell. His previous (and much worse) film, Semi-Pro, was critically panned in a casual way. “Oh, Will Ferrell, not quite this time, but we still love you,” seemed to be the general tone of critics. But their reactions in 2009 were far less forgiving. Audiences, heeding their advice, avoided the film, and Wikipedia currently lists Land of the Lost as the thirty-sixth biggest box office failure of all time. This, combined with a mere 26% rating on Rotten Tomatoes might make anyone assume that the film is an utter catastrophe, either exceptionally lazy or poorly crafted. Let me, then, defend this movie, and not simply for the sake of doing so. This is not a mediocre film that most critics happened to come down on the negative side on (like, let’s randomly say, Anything Else). No, Land of the Lost is a very good comedy. Harmless, quirky, colorful and completely aware of itself.

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Upon seeing reviews of the film.

The movie’s premise is pretty simple. Dr. Rick Marshall (Ferrell) is ridiculed for his theories on time warps and alternate dimensions. He is forced to work at the La Brea Tar Pits, where a graduate student named Holly (Anna Friel) finds him and tells him how much she believes in his theories. She persuades Marshall to finish building his time machine. They travel to a cave which radiates “tachyon energy” that might lead to a portal to another time or world. But the cave is a tourist trap run by a man named Will (Danny McBride) and the two scientists have to explore the cave on his amusement park raft ride. The time machine works, and the three are transported to the land of the lost – a world full of dinosaurs, missing planes and ships, and strange creatures called Sleestaks.

One thing that should be addressed up front is the film’s relation to the TV series of the mid-70’s. Apart from the title and the Sleestaks, the show and the movie have very little in common. I suppose that if there are die hard Land of the Lost fans out there (“Losters” as I’m sure they’d call themselves) they were disappointed by the film’s lack of faithfulness to its source material. I have never seen the show, and I have no interest in doing so. Movies are movies, books are books, and TV shows are TV shows. It is frustratingly unfair (and unproductive) to constantly compare one medium to another. If you are a fan of a particular novel and it is adapted as a film which disappoints you, the good news is that the book still exists. The two works are not in competition. If you disapprove of one, that’s fine, but the film is not a form of blasphemy. Complaining about the disparity in quality does not make you seem more refined, it just makes you annoying. A film should be judged on its own merits.

And by my judgment, Land of the Lost works. Ferrell is likable and engaging. McBride is very funny as the sarcastic tag-along who constantly second-guesses Marshall. Anna Friel is an earnest straight-woman to the two comedians, and her relationship with Ferrell is sweet and understated. I liked the fact that Holly doesn’t have a character arc where she has to “come around” to believe in Marshall, but rather is a true believer from the outset. The encounters with the dinosaurs are funny, particularly with a T-Rex that resents Marshall for insulting his intelligence (the implication, then, is that the T-Rex speaks English, and that amused me). And the intentionally cheesy set design and special effects highlight the care-free attitude of the film. A lot of people thought the Sleestaks looked too fake to be scary, but I found them sort of terrifying in their own way.

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“Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?”

And so, the film is far from a Bad Movie. It’s light entertainment to be sure, but it’s about as good as light entertainment can get. I found the the whole thing quite endearing and sweet. Despite its PG-13 rating, this is pretty much a family film. I can understand why someone might not like the scene where Ferrell tries to persuade the group to pour dinosaur urine all over themselves, but I have to confess that Ferrell’s certainty while doing something so absurd made me laugh. The film is also bookended by two great scenes featuring Matt Lauer. Even if you don’t see Land of the Lost, I recommend you watch those scenes here.  I can’t speak to why so many people were so hard on this movie. Maybe they were expecting the Citizen Kane of Will Ferrell Fighting Dinosaurs movies. Or maybe they left the theater annoyed that “Matt Lauer Can Suck It” isn’t a real book.

Three and a half stars.

When a young Conan mercilessly sliced off Lucius’ nose in…

When a young Conan mercilessly sliced off Lucius’ nose in “Conan the Barbarian”.

How many scenes involved the characters tossing around a…

How many scenes involved the characters tossing around a football in Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room”.

When Mathayus removes the arrow in his back to shoot it at…

When Mathayus removes the arrow in his back to shoot it at Memnon in “The Scorpion King”