Category: horror

The Masked Mutilator (2019-1994)

The Masked Mutilator (2019-1994)

Intervision finds and delivers to us with another rare zero budget piece of magic and creepy weirdness. 

A film started in 1994 that fell apart then just this past year was given modern day bookends to help make the unfinished film make … sort of sense.

A large burly wrestler retires from wrestling after going to far in the ring and now is a bodyguard / drill sergeant for a bunch of whacked out teens in a house for delinquents. He seems a little too rough and tough on these messed up teens however the teens seem pretty large and tough on their owns. 

Someone else may be even more rough then he is though. A very similar large man is taking out extreme vengeance on these brats dressed in a wrestler mask, this time the punishment is death and their will be no tapping out (ooww i like that, they should have hired me to make the tag line for the blu ray). Is it the drill sergeant losing what little marbles he has left? Or is it something even more fiendish?

Shot like a bad self help tape or instructional video makes you have a feel like something is going to go wrong at any moment. This helps to the effect of these novice actors and makes you feel like there is something worse going on behind their eyes. The 80s burly guys in this movie are all nasty that even fans of bear porn would be uncomfortable with these dudes that make the Brooklyn Brawler seems handsome.  

You might recognise short time wrestler turn Troma actor Brick Bronsky as one of the more beefy characters in the film and his acting stands out. A Troma actor out acting the rest of the cast.. hmmm that should give you an idea of the acting caliber in this movie. However the broken editing of unfinished scenes and random use of ugly people just getting aggressive with each other does make you get lost in the film, making you feel like you are trapped in an anti drug video that just makes you want to take drugs. 

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This movie is very ugly and odd but I couldn’t look away from the tacky sleaziness of this movie going nowhere. Like Gummo meets Don’t go in the Basement… If you know those films that still might not make any sense unless you see Masked Mutilator. 

Less about wrestling and more about the sickness of child services and people putting people in choke holds.. more choke holds then the LA police department. 

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Lots of info in the extra features on the dvd, as Severin / Intervision is known to do. However this is not for the rookie b movie fan. You have to like sleaze trash that gets you into whatever weird mind is behind a backyard film maker. If you are not into that you may wonder just what the fuck is going on and want to tap out right away.  If your a real wrestling fan you may also be confused on the seriousness of this movie buuuttt you will cheer out loud and laugh when someone gets a chair shot later in the movie. … well I laughed. Most wrestling fans are pretty much sickos as well, so they might like this movie.

Not your usual killer wrestler movie and I am glad. I love wrestling but Wrestler horror movies have not been very good… this movie isn’t “good” either but it’s a dark weird ugly treasure that fits wonderfully in my collection of cursed artifacts.

BANANA SPLITS HORROR IS HERE!

HOLY SHIT!!! FUCK CHUCKY!! FUCK FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY! THIS IS GOLDEN COMEDY HORROR LIKE YOU KIDS CANT HANDLE!

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND SEE GOD BEFORE YOU IN THE FORM OF THE TRAILER FOR THE HORROR REMAKE OF THE BANANA SPLITS!!! THIS HAS MY BRAIN WRITTEN ALLLLLL OVER IT!!!  AFTER AIRING THERE WILL BE AN UNCENSORED DVD IS COMING MY WAY!!

Annabelle came to visit Eyesore Cinema tonight…

Annabelle came to visit Eyesore Cinema tonight during day one of the Toronto Indie Horror fest. Warnerbros may not be indie but they stopped by to give their support and let us take some silly photos. Especially when Annabelle met Eyesores own mascot Pancake boy

Night of the Dribbler (1990)

Night of the Dribbler (1990)

When all of Canada is watching basketball how about us bad movie geeks watch a Slasher basketball comedy made in Canada. Made at the end of a huge wave of Canadian produced cheapie college sex comedies comes this “Trashtapiece”. Totally a comedy and not an actual slasher however it does have a masked killer stalking the young basketball players and offing them one by one slasher style. A true spoof of 80s slashers (which oddly were also often Canadian produced.. (Canada doing it cheap and doing with style, only in the 80s).  

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Lots of extremely cheesy gags that must have been dated and lame before it was even released. The worst part of the movie is voice actor Fred Travalena who plays three characters and delivers awful super cheesy lines non stop as well as constantly awful impressions even worse then those of Rich Little. The movie even feels they need to cred him on the cover as I guess he was the only actor with any past before this movie. The main character Stan Bates would not act again until 8 years later he would be in Night of the Demons 3 then a fairly steady run of terrible Canadian television.  Stan is a basketball player that is not allowed to play and instead is made to be water boy for a very weird motley crew of awful basketball players. Stan does not know why the coach wont let him play and neither does his sort of goth girlfriend called Beckula, who may or may not be a vampire. Certain characters are set up to have motives to be the masked killer but everyone is basically nonsense so you wont even care if it ends up a red herring or not. Even the super creepy dean of the school might be the killer, but it wouldn’t really matter if its not. .. or is it the basketball team captain that thinks he is Elvis? … who cares, I just want to see the masked killer more. The hilarious mask and cheesy opening credits segments makes it fun enough for us. It totally can’t be the Elvis dude as he gets messed up early on … but you never know this movie feels like Airplane meets Scream, so anything is possible.

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Occasional violence and super cheesy jokes with such a very weird mix of characters it almost feels like a Troma movie for a slightly younger audience. It’s not for kids but it is also not Toxic Avenger 4 either. I am sure any kid could watch it as any slightly adult jokes would go right over a kids head and the kills are all cartoony.

  However the basketball killers kills are fairly bad ass for things that seem like traps made by Wile E Coyote . Many people lose hands and a few lose their heads. You will not lose your head over this movie but if your tired of hearing about Raptors games just get some junk food maybe hit the bong and you just might find this a funny flick for weirdos like me.

I give it a 3 pointer from the Cheese ball line,

TubiTV Canada started streaming some movies …

TubiTV Canada started streaming some movies by Richard Mogg the maker from Bigfoot Ate my boyfriend… followers should remember that one. They added his movies Easter Bunny Massacre and Massage Parlor of Death… true backyard comedy cheese wonders . Richard knows about cheese and no budget horror. You should check out his book Analog Nightmares as well.

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Winners at the Terrible two day fest 2019 scre…

Over the weekend of films the awards of the DUMBTASTIC AWAY goes to CAMP DEATH 3 in 2D which was early on for a small crowd but those there seemed blown away by its shocking absurdity. One audience member said it felt like  Alejandro Jodorowsky joined up with Tex Avery and made a Friday the 13th sequel.  The basic plot is a slasher that losts its parts 1 and 2 lost in its own bizarre gags and cartoon humor and logic piling up jokes that is willing to insult everyone equally. Imagine if an 80s kids show made a slasher and adult swim writers added in the rude language. Imagine a hipster improve team was given hard drugs. The movie does admit it is stupid… and it is. 

Go review them on Amazon Prime and tell them they won the Dumbtastic award from the Terrible Two Fest Toronto!

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The Shocktastic award went to House Shark. A phantom shark haunts a mans house as a very odd cast of characters form an unusual bound to go into the house and hunt the mysterious shark down. In what ended up being a spoof of the Shark genre in totally making it necessary to ever watch another shark movie again. I was sure it was going to be Clownado and it came a close runner up with a lot of first timers in the audience,  However Ron Bonk of House Shark wins the award for the second year in a row. At almost 2 hours I thought it would be too long for most people but the responses were very positive and the laughs kept rolling. One audience member said it was “Charmingly rude”. Order your copy of the DVD from SRS Cinema now!

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STARTS THIS FRIDAY AT 6 pm. 

STARTS THIS FRIDAY AT 6 pm. 

Short films and intro party from 6 30 till 7 30.

7 30 CarousHELL

9 Moopet Pastor

10 Mystery Bonus

Saturday from 3 till 6 is a geek swap / Vhs swap

Saturday at 6 30 is Camp Death 3 in 2D

8 is House Shark

10 is Clownado

Each feature is only 2 dollars. This weekend at Eyesore Cinema Toronto 1176 Bloor st West

Brought to you by Riot at the Movies

TERRIBLE TWO DAY FEST TORONTO IS ALMOST HERE 

TERRIBLE TWO DAY FEST TORONTO IS ALMOST HERE 

MARCH 29th and 30th from 6 till 11:30pm each day. VHS swap meet Saturday 3 till 6.

Critters the New Binge (2019)Basically a movie…

Critters the New Binge (2019)

Basically a movie in disguise as a streaming binge worthy mini series. Each episode is less then 10 minutes making the whole thing barely and hour and a half. Just another element on the pun that makes the film a “new binge”. Get it they eat a lot and internet tv junkies demand a lot.. hyuk hyuk. Actually this is pretty funny. I am shocked by the Critters fans that hate on this online as the whole thing is basically a spoof of the series. It does not deny or fully admit that the movies happened. Also may I say right now that parts 3 and 4 of the movies are boring as hell so it’s not like Critters has a rep that needs to be protected. This being said by a guy that abso – freakin – lutley loves Critters 2 . It is one of my favorite films of all time.  My parents bought a vhs of it for me when I was way too young but it shut me up as I watched it in awe over and over as a kid so in their minds it was worth it.  

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The basic plot is : A hit squad of professional “Crites” aka Critters return to earth an track down some sassy kids in search of a missing Critter that has been hiding on earth for a long time. The space bounty hunters follow up to stop the Crites but they don’t care who gets in their way.  A kid called Porkchop must face all the comic carnage and decide who is less evil Critters or Bounty Hunters. Not exactly a Captain Marvel twist but I warn you they do make a Mission Impossible joke, a Matrix joke and an Infinity War joke in the series. So ok, ok, I guess it’s more of a spoof than a sequel. 

Many people online are saying the mini series is a kids friendly take on Critters and that is not true either. Yes it is much more cartoony as the movies always hinted towards the Critters having human like lives where they are not just animals and the series dwells on that. Its like Gremlins 2 but dumber. Each Critter has its own personality and many have specific costumes. The leader of the Critters even speaks in a funny English accent. (also like Gremlins 2) But instead of the smart Gremlin that says “I would like to have  a word with you” the smart Critter says “I would like you to go fuck yourself”. 

There is plenty of gore made safe in comic book silliness. Most kills are off screen only to show a gore soaked body afterwards due to budget.

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So it is playing off cartoon logic this time around but more like Rick and Morty instead of Adventure Time. As the Critters series answers the age old questions… Spoiler… What is it like to have sex with a Critter?

 Ok maybe no one asked that question. But they answer it anyways. 

 Higher on laughs and less on gore but I feel more of that is due to budget restraints than to be kid friendly. Yes Critters was the R rated heavy metal scumbag version of Gremlins and Critters New Binge is what I feel is a natural fusion between the two. This is kind of what I would expect Critters to be in 2019.

 So ok maybe not for everybody.  The mini episode element is tedious as they feel the need to cram the same comedy and action beats into each episode weaking those elements, so they can fit it in each time. This sadly will be something we will see more of as more episodes for streaming sites helps the algorithms, hits, logins and makes it look more popular than just a movie or just 5 episodes max.  C’est la vie. However that being said this Rick and Morty style Critters is pretty funny and is filled with many in jokes for long time fans as well as easy for younger new hip internet savvy kids to jump in on Nickelodeon kids show with a shocking low moral compass. Yes that’s it it’s a grindhouse monster movie take on That’s So Raven…. oh fuck did I just say that.  And a cameo by Gilbert Godfrey. If you like silly I highly recommend you take a bite out of this.