Category: badmovies

HOL Y FUCK! A movie staring Bret the Hitman …

HOL Y FUCK! A movie staring Bret the Hitman Hart and Corey Feldman that is directed by the writer and actor of the Canadian movie THINGS!!! This just might be a crime against humanity! I for one and very excited!

This movie may need a warning saying Dangerous for human consumption…. yep… I’m hard

What the fuck people lol.I have a pole up on…

What the fuck people lol.

I have a pole up on the RIOT AT THE MOVIE facebook page, asking people what bad movie I should screen at my next bad movie party. THIS IS IN THE LEAD… I kind of put it on the list as a joke but deep down knew you sickos would vote for it.

I still have yet to open this. It is a LIVE show of Bibleman. They fight a villain called the Protestor? Should this be called Republican man? Haha fuck this trash… But I still might screen it because I am crazy like that for this kind of trash.. maybe I will double feature it with something cause i think it is only an hour long… so whats the worse thing that could happen? Gods wrath?.. well seems appropriate . Remember you voted for it… pole is still open though

Been doing some random doodling lately, I thin…

Been doing some random doodling lately, I think I am dieing for a chance to be creative and less normal

The wicked folks at Farside were playing a min…

The wicked folks at Farside were playing a mini marathon of the Leprechaun flicks in honor or yesterday St pattys day. I enjoy the two hood movies but I don’t understand why they get so much hype. Probably just people getting a slightly racist kick out of the stereotypes. They are funny , Ice T is always bad ass and Warwick Davis is totally on his comedic game. The main three guys in the first hood movie are really good and the main start pulls off a decent drag performance. It is weird that in that movie the Leprechaun wants his magic whistle back… wait a minute are they mixing up Leprechauns with Smurfs? Oh people took a magic flute from the Smurfs. … ohhh shit Leprechaun vs Papa Smurf … oooohhh shit.

However that being said it is basically just a little bit snappier version of the first two Killjoy movies from Full Moon. (The killer clown demon that comes to grant wishes and seek revenge in urban settings). The killjoy movies do get a bit better as they get on but are super weak on comparison to the Leprechaun franchise. Could be worse it could be full moons Ragdoll flick.

With the Leprechaun flicks for me I enjoy the first one and part 4 is space, cause if you are gonna go weird go all the way weird.  I have yet to watch the new one which has some hate on it since it is not Warwick Davis but the Manborg guys made it and it will probably make me laugh.. and thats what matters. The Hood films made me laugh too even with its dumb sequel to a sequel joke title, so I guess I can’t a hater. Top of a morning to ya ! 

And remember it could be worse it could be WWE productions Leprechauns Origin… shudder the mere thought of that crap in a pot of gold!

Hey hey hey

So over the years I have written hundreds of bad movies reviews. As well as 4 full day real time review marathons. Many zines and even published 2 books just on mini funny reviews of bad movies. Lately I have not been up to par though. Slow and sluggish which I know will keep up. So for people just joining me from other worlds I have compiled  the reviews I have done over this month at least right here in links. So you can find them quickly amongst all my other picture posts of nonsense. Those not familiar with my writing style , I write as if I am talking to you and you are my buddy. Cause watching bad movies with your friends makes it even better. I don’t judge the movie for being good or bad (unless it is really obvious) and I just won’t even write about a month I don’t care about. I just write about how the movie felt, usually writing as I am watching it so you get a few of my reactions in there. Aaaannyways here is the last month of reviews… check out my archives for literally 6 years of this bullshit. Thanks… unpleasant dreams.  Click the links to read the awful reviews on basically awful movies. 


EDIT: I added a mini archive on the main page… will give you the most recent 15 or show reviews.. check it out !

Coldmoon (2016) 

Coldmoon (2016) 

I have been curious about this movie for a while. I discovered today it is made by the director of Ghost Shark but instead of being funny the director chose to go straight , serious and shockingly dark. 

Basically its a twin peaks rip off meets a modern day American ghost story.

Imagine if in Twins Peaks the cops did not get as involved as you expected and Laura Palmer’s ghost basically told you who the killer was right away.

With recognisable actor Frank Whaley as the Sheriff and tiny cameos by Christopher Lloyd and even Tommy freakin Wiseau, it will make you expect something different than what you will get. 

A small town in American is shocked by the murder of a young innocent girl. The Sheriff seems tired and worn out and not up to the task of figuring it out.  Weird southern characters in the town all seem odd and prominently unlikeable. A key to low budget movies is how small towns have way too many different kinds of southern accents.     Spoiler… The movie seems like a Twin Peaks weird you out rip off but what if the hallucination scenes were actually a cliche wet long haired ghost.  UNTIL the rest of the girls family is killed. Then the oddly slow and dull movie kicks you in the teeth in an act that is equally smart and yet insulting. The young girls other family members are killed in a scene that reveals the killer. 


You are led to believe early on that there will be twists and misleaders since you are in a familiar type of movie. But once you know the killer is exactly who they say it is you just have to witness the killer reveal just how awful and scummy he is. The actor playing the killer is pretty good so far as he makes you totally hate him and want the worst to happen to him. The killers performance is shockingly good, the actor looks like a taller David Patrick Kelly (who note appeared in Twin Peaks). He is soulless and remorseless Now remember there is a cliche dead girl ghost after him… or is there? Is his shallow sick mind just getting to him and driving him crazy or it really a snake spitting ghost stalking him. Some surprisingly shocking moments in a rather safe and slow burn of a movie.

Warning there is no way you will take serious a ghost of an old lady that looks exactly like Beetlejuice when he turns into a snake. The ghost looks really cool but you cant help but laugh and say “We’ve come for your daughter Chuck”  This obviously was on purpose those because this movie is based off a book written by Michael McDowell who yes also wrote Beetlejuice. Go figure…. shit imagine with Beetlejuice ended up a serious horror film? How would life be different?

This premise and set of characters would have been much better in a smarter directors hands. You know I love GhostShark but in a sharply polished B movie lark kind of way. Better quality and more creative shots would add to the unsettling atmosphere.  The actors playing the villain and the sheriff and doing a great job but there is just this obviously missing solid style missing.  Smaller rolls of the killers little brother and the dead little girls grandmother are great as well and deserving of a better finished product. You feel the fear and frustration of the people but the sad fact of bad low budget pacing and over explanatory scenes.

Spoiler again.. just as you start to think the killer is maybe left losing his mind  and hallucinations the ghost they straight out tell you the ghost are real too. Its only one scene where the Sheriff finds evidence left behind by the ghosts and it could have been left out so we could come to terms with it on our own. 

The ghost gags are needed but when they pop in cliche ghost gags (especially at the end) it makes the serious elements go straight down the toilet. The fact that only the killer reacts to ghost elements and it feels tact on later you often lose interest and sadly even laugh at scenes because of the ghosts when it totally could have been done right in better hands.


This reveal dumbs down the movie making you less interested in the twists and oddities of the characters but just makes you wait to see who will get the bad guy first, the naive cop or the ghosts.  On top of asking why half these characters even exist. That and why was Tommy Wiseau in the background? But  thats not important.

I can very much compare it too Jack Ketchum’s The Lost which is another emotionally dark thriller that suffers due to its low budget and amateur finishings.

I recommend this with having you be aware this is a movie that suffers from totally not living up to his potential.  Think about it.. a movie that ME.. ME of all people would say needed less wacky ghosts and more artistic character development. Maybe if it was all ghosts all the time I wouldn’t say that.. but that would be a totally different movie. Thus this will be another of those movies that frustrates me cause it was so close to being good but due to failing that seems really bad.

Thanks to those that braved the screening.. …

Thanks to those that braved the screening.. if you were at tonight’s screening you are on the guest list for next month.. hey that saves you a toonie and if your bring a friend you can tell them your hot vip shit and make them jealous… this video is instead of the weekly review and with a shout out for Morgan White

The Marathon of Doom is in full swing!!

The Marathon of Doom is in full swing!!

Ugh I have had such a headache for the last two days and couldn’t sleep well at all, so I can really relate to that poor severed head.

I started the marathon late at like 8 45 but luckily (in which I had forgot) The Brain that wouldn’t Die! Is only just over an hour long. HOORAY!!

Thanks Andree for choosing this classic in cheesie and honestly ease for the first movie of the marathon. I will post a quick review in a moment as i start to watch the next flick.. a little piece of family crap called Goldy 3

If your in Toronto join me next week to be in …

If your in Toronto join me next week to be in the next Terrible Toonie Tuesdayz video

HOLY ShIt! A fan from the blog just voted in t…

HOLY ShIt! A fan from the blog just voted in this movie for the Marathon of Doom next week. I had seen this cover a million times and just thought it was a lesser known Reptilicus or Land that time forgot.. buttt nooooo. Its crossed with animation.. its a full on Tokusatsu crossed in with anime scenes. Basically a roger rabbit in the Ultraman world.. this looks INSANE!  I don’t care if the votes for my marathon of doom push this down It is in the marathon no matter what. Buuut if you have movies you want me to watch during my approximate 20 hour PAIN aTHON of bad movies… donate to  VOTE HERE THEN MESSAGE ME YOUR MOVIE CHOICE!

Just a dollar gets your vote in and it will get you thanked in my next book “Riot at the movies presents: Bad movies and Booze!”