Category: bad movie

8- Ghost Dad

We try to figure out what’s more important: Being a Ghost, Being a Dad, or Being a Ghost Dad? Spoiler Alert: It’s none of those things. And Jay Delta learns an important lesson about molestation and how his x-ray technician might be doing it to him.

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6 – Double Team

6 – Double Team

“Flying, Tiger, and a Fair. Oh Why? God, Why?!” We have so many feelings about this 90 minute film, we spend 3 hours talking about 80’s comedian Gallagher, Home Alone-style assault, and take a guess at what happened between takes.

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Dead Ant (2017)

Man that movie pilot comment is true and yet so misleading. It is like Spinal Tap meets Tremors yet not anywhere near . Honestly it was better than I expect it. Lots of great parts but like many american horror comedies of the 21st century it lacks flow. An insane opening scene that comes off fairly hilarious for monster violence and completely illogical nudity. Then jumps into a movie that basically takes the whole time in an RV either driving in the dessert or stuck in the dessert. The idiocy of the band is a lot like Spinal Tap but more as a bad impression of them instead of anywhere near as creative or funny. I have no idea where I got this idea but for some reason I thought that band in the movie was actually played by Steel Panther, which may not have been better acting but may have been more interesting. The CGI killer ants are not too bad as this is not a no budget backyard schlock movie but a jump back to way studio left over movie was handed to the lower ranks to in turn make stupid schlock movies, like Anaconda movies or especially Eight Legged Freaks. It is kind of like that as its a project by one of those guys that makes Christmas movies to help investors in hollywood make leftover money “disappear”.

 The ant attacks are very on par with lesser Critter movies and as mentioned Eight Legged Freaks… but again let me say , not as enjoyable. Well ok maybe as enjoyable as Critters 4 cause I personally thought that movie stank. Tom Arnold however as the bands burned out at wits end manager is shockingly very good and almost likeable in this, in a fat run down Bruce Campbell kinda way… so yeah basically in a Bruce Campbell kinda way. Oddly enough Tom sells egotistical aged rocker with gore and pain gags as he laughs out losing his hands… hmmm also not unlike Bruce would.

  Oh yeah the plot… uhhh a band on its way to perform at a stoner festival i the dessert gets stuck off the road in the middle of nowhere just as evil giant Ants invade out of the sand. They hide out in the RV as they get pegged off one by one by the monsters that get bigger and bigger . All in the name of dated hair metal references (normally I would also enjoy that) . They even use shitty hair metal to fight killer ants. A lot of driving around and bitching about life until the killer ants get them and then you get a scene as they try to find the keys to there truck while hiding the injured friends in the back and trying not to wake up the ants… so that of course is when you say “Oh yeah this is like tremors, just dumber”. It is aware that it is dumb, which does not always mean it helps the fact.

 Cheap but funny with predictable monster gore and trying to hard with sex jokes and also just plain bad jokes. It all takes places in a tiny location in the desert until the end battle of the monsters at the concert location.  Makes you wonder how the budget was decided. Probably to fill in contracts so no production budgets just real actors that needed to get paid, unlike most movies with similar plots these days. Well ok if you count Tom Arnold, Jake Busey and Sean Astin as buyable actors. Oh yeah and Tommy Hill from Twin Peaks.

 Sean Astin in his laziest role, he bare even gets up in the movie. I guess you get what you pay for eh Rudy? Goonies never say die and neither does metal dude.  Actually SPOILER Sean Astin does and he gets fucked wrecked which is his best part in the movie cause he is covered in gore effects. Kudos Sean.

All and all not thrilled but I think people will get a laugh out of it. However you could just double bill Spinal Tap and Tremors and be doing a million times better for yourself.

Munchie (1992)

Ok Roger Corman make a spin off from your slightly adult comedy but make it for kids. Basic story of a little kid called Gage is new in town and he feels alone and out of place and heavily bullied by kids and teachers, soooo luuuuckily he finds a magical little monster that grants his wishes some with monkeys paw style problem attached. Yooou know the story. 

Loni Anderson is the kids mom looking really out of place. Dom Deluise voices Munchie the magical monster. So really you can get Loni and Dom but you can’t get Burt Reynolds to play the jerk with the mustache? What a missed opportunity. The kid crushes on the bullies girlfriend who is played by Jennifer Love Hewitt which I had to look up to be sure it was even her. The end credits just call her Love Hewitt.  OH yeah and Angus Scrimm of Phantasm had a cameo as a funeral director … of course he was.. niiiice.

Munchie is supposed to be a threat as they allude to him being dangerous. However other then getting some kids in trouble a little bit but all he really wants is twinkies, ding dongs and pizza. Ha ha I said Ding dongs… thats the kind humor we are dealing with here. There is a fair bit of time where the kid deals with mean teachers and bullies and no one believed him which gives some stress cause it reminds me of my childhood. Munchie is right, School sucks.

I also feel they do not deal with Munchies so called eating problem enough and or maybe drug habit that gives these so called munchies and bugged eyes. I think maybe he just needs help damnit.

Anyways the Munchie monster teaches him to stand up for himself and how to party with a few fart and pee jokes along the way. I mean that’s what you get when Jim Wynorski  writes and directs a kids movie (something I feel is kind of inappropriate) 

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He just wants to eat and look at those fucking eyes.  Kids find a magically pot head that grants wishes and teaches you self esteem. Wonderful.

The Munchie doll is much more acceptable and cuter than Gnorm the Gnome but the hilarious inability to move it’s mouth along with Dom Deluise’s fast talking. Which does lead you to laugh AT Munchie more than WITH him. Puppets with teeth just can not win, Gorm the gnomes mouth is freaky ass too real and Munchie is hilariously stupid cheap. No winning for puppets with teeth folks. 

Super dumbed down humor that feels like Nickelodeon remade Rock n roll high school with a terrible puppet and the most blah kid in the main roll. The kid has one of those faces that you want to pinch if you were a grand mother or just slap if you were pretty much anyone else. 

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There is a sequel to this semi sequel called Munchie Strikes Back! I guess I better try it soon. (pops another pill and orders another pizza)

Actually did you ever see that kids movie Big Fat Liar starring Frankie Muniz? The humor is really similar to that except you replace Frankie Muniz with a weird little monster… oh wait so it actually is the same after all. 

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I am honored to have this piece of crapola tape in my collection after a friend gifted it to me with shock that I did not already own it. I love how the price tag has the words PU written on it as well. Very true.

Ok ok the original Munchies isn’t that funny either so I have no idea what I am going on about.

I am totally eating more pizza now.

Since I only have a few hours of work tomorrow and I am alone until late Saturday. I will be venturing into some deep bad movie watching with al first time watching. Here is what is on the plate. A LOT of this is Robert Hoffmans fault just so you all know. So If I die blame him k. 

Wish me luck… it has already begun and I am feeling very strange 

Takes a deep breathe…. When Adam a homo erotic artist who’s wheelchair ridden boyfriend is shot by a killer and his baby yeti is kidnapped by the killer pimp, he must go under cover into a underbelly of the city to find what kind of a pimp would actually want to steal a baby yeti anyways.

Yes, that is what kind of a fucking movie we have gotten into.

 Messed up penis and cum jokes and super cheesy jokes and puns somehow added on top of that somehow mixed with a zero budget John Wick sub plott. Added a muppet baby Yeti and a full sized prostitute yeti out for revenge… and I still don’t know what I just watched.  When they go into the most perverted strip club you have seen since you went to church last week and randomly come across an animated snow man for no reason at all you know this isn’t going to start making sense.  The muppet yeti looks like someone from Wonder Showzen and the killer pimp sounds like Teen Ape… it all feels so familiar but pummels you with dick jobs that may be “rubbing” too hard.

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Oh wait… this is a sequel… oh shit .. really? Wow… and it hasn’t crossed with Chris Seavers Sexsquatch? What… this crossed out movie gets kinda dark…  Though it doesn’t take it’s self serious… just .. umm… rougher?

If you are afraid of a penis you will be afraid of this movie as there is A LOT of penis. A LOT! But if this is what you have been waiting for in your monster comedies then have at it!

She Kills meets Grand theft auto Vice City vs A homo erotic toxic avenger and killer condom sprinkled on top of an episode of South park … thats basically what this is…. I dare you to watch it. 

I have been curious to watch this since I saw everything is terrible edited it down to every seen Gary Busey calls someone a butthorn. Honestly it is a lot of fun but he does not actually call people butthorn enough for my liking. The film was written by Fred Olen Ray so you have to have a tad bit of an open mind and think maybe it was not written to be as serious as the movie ended up. It starts as a complete Lethal Weapon rip off (made a year after Busey played the villain in the first Lethal Weapon movie) . Busey plays a gun crazy cop called Mcbain who has an old partner that you literally wait for him to say “i’m too old for this shit”. The weapons heist they deal with in the opening scene is a lot of fun and I kind of wish the whole movie was that. However the movie quickly goes away from that as we discover Mcbain was an ex secret agent and gets suckered into going to Mexico on a secret agent style mission. Playing the silly character that is secretly an amazing bad ass gets put into a stereotypically foreign enemy territory. Henry Silva plays an amazing military bad guy (as always). There is a hilariously americana flag waving scene between Silva and 

Darlanne Fluegel but then when you start to laugh at it it turns super dark and the fun is gone again. Because Silva is incredible good at being a creepy ass bad guy. Even when he is written in a terrible racial stereotype and .

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 Busey is nick named Bulletproof cause he looks unthreatening but he is so tough he takes a bullet and keeps coming while making sarcastic comments on the way.. so obviously he was the man they chose to fight guerrilla soldiers, free captive soldiers and retrieve a government super weapon called Thunderblast (which looks right out of a Roger Moore James Bond Flick). This movie plays out way too seriously for such a ridiculous super agent story and dumb sounding secret weapon.  Busey gets less and less funny as the movie goes on and then starts up a little again near the end as if they forgot that was the point. Infact a scene involving the Thunderblast and Busey is almost straight out slapstick with a wah wah joke in it. Also a scene with Busey and a giant wheel that is straight up 80s Jackie Chan action silliness. There was an awesome movie in here somewhere, it just gets lost pretty easily.  The scenes with Darlanne Fluegel are however so over the top dramatic you cant take understand how its matching with the funny scenes. Her and Busey do end up shooting and blowing up a lot of people though.  That is a charm of 80s action flicks they didn’t need to be one way or the other, they just did what they wanted to do and you kind of have to respect them for that.

A scene to remember in this is when they again make an accidental reference to Lethal Weapon there is a scene where Busey sits on a beach and remembers his ex girlfriend as we hear a sexy saxaphone playing which just seems cheesy until you realise its Busey playing the saxophone and then it just feels hilarious. But.. was it supposed to be hilarious? I am not sure. It is worth a watch for 80s action fans at least once though ya butthorns.

Recently it was available on an action movie 4 pack.  So it was totally worth the money.

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Another badmovie marathon pitch by you guys has come and gone. Thanks so much for those that requested the movies and those that read the reviews and commented. Feel free to download my e books for more nonsense and donate to my madness. I am hosting a super b movie night in Toronto at eyesore cinema on the 14th , if you are local come and check it out.  I think I need to watch some golden girl dvds to clear my head but honestly on comparison to previous fan picked marathon this one was legit fun all the way through. Even I know who killed me and Assault on Sasquatch are worth watching once. The others are movies that I will definitely watch again or at least have fond memories of. Guess its a good time I didnt charge for votes this time cause it was not as painful as expected. I will never watch Titanic 2 ever again but I’m glad I did once for the sheer stupidity.  See you all again at my next social experiment… I now return to posting pictures of horror movies and or cats.

Just finished the first movie in the pain a thon.. half way through the second, had a nice breakfast and already wondering what am I doing with my life… Anyways the first movie was Amityville Curse from 1990 . Look at that cover it is not even the Amityville house and there is some person just “hanging around” on the cover lol. Another spook house film thats a metaphor for wife abuse and mixes other 70s horror tropes and cliches in a Canadian made for tv kinda budget . 

There are so many cheesy Amityville sequels , rip offs , spin offs… i mean since it was a real house i guess anyone can use the name. Recently there are dozens using the name for shot on digital video zero budget movies like Amityville Death house by Mark Polonia. Well Amityville CURSE that i grabbed from Eyesore cinema was made in 1990 so its a little more polished than that. Has some great looking set pieces in the house and some eerie music and mists and event some cool creepy zombie like ghosts. It feels like many of the witchboard spin offs of bad hair weird looking couples in a haunted house. They are all real actors but feel like they should stay to mid day television. Unlikeable movie but not exactly a bad movie. I would watch Witchboard instead though. Perhaps the only Amityville i recommend thats worth more than one watch is part 2 the possession, its nice and freaky and has a few twists worth while. But this is not that.   ok the next movie is almost half over….. hang on i will be back..

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