Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre (2014)
Doesn’t Bikini Girl Swamp Massacre make more sense?
I am trying to find ever b horror that is a riff on Slumber party massacre… so something to do with girls and usually the word massacre. There are so many.. last slumber party, clown camp massacre, summer camp massacre, psycho sleepover, cheerleader massacre 1 and 2, Spring break massacre camp… yeah there is a lot and pretty much all crap. Yet some crap in an entertaining way. Bikini Girl Swamp Massacre is… alllmost that. It had one or two wink wink silly parts to admit to you that they know this movie stinks but for how stinky this movie is I am very impressed how straight they play it.
A group of women go on a backwoods retreat in the adirondacks with a swamp tour guide. A tour guy that already accidental fed some other tourists to an insane man in the swamp. The girls are shockingly attractive for this cheap a movie but its the suuuuuuper fucking awkward killer that will make you remember this one. The killer is not just some random masked assailant. He is a tomahawk waving insane native stereotype headhunter. Going by the name of
Coowahchohee and talking in a racist Tonto accent with face paint similar to that of the cannibals from Cannibal Ferox. As soon as you meet the killer its obvious that it is played by a white guy so immediately you just wanna say RAAACCIST. But what makes it ALMOST interesting is that it becomes obvious that the killer is a white man who just lost his mind after living in the swamp for too long and he thinks he is some mixed up stereotype persona. … I guess that makes it better. I guess?
Also the real charm is the terrible acting and the lack of music. People get killed and the actresses barely react. Same with all the walk on extras who deliver all the dead pan. “Oh no
Coowahchohee please don’t kill me… oh no… please no.. oh no.” Their line delivers are so dead pan and emotional at first I thought it was that the characters are being sarcastic… buuuut I think its just literally reading off cue cards. OR just shit acting….. pssst secret is… its just shit acting.
There is barely any plot. Some funny stuff at the beginning a decent final girl escapes the killer scene at the end. But outside of that you just watch one of the girls fuck up her foot and then we watch everyone freak out about for for like 30 odd minutes.
Strange however cause sometimes when the girls are talking to each other they seem to get into the roles. Then the very next second they sound like kids who were forced into performing a high school play in front of their parents. I can’t possible type words lackluster enough to do it justice. I dare you to experience. Drink a few margaritas first though .
Mr Butt had an awesome Pinky Violence screening tonight.. but the I watched a 31 days of halloween crap horror film…. And holy shit folks I think I watched one of the worst for the season. I am trying to watch cheesy b horror films I have not scene before.. and this is a dangerous landmind field to walk in.