Movie 5 … fuck…
I know who killed me from 2007
Some asshole thought they were making Twin Peaks, that asshole was Chris Silverston who made Cheerleader must die and the film based on JAck Ketchum’s the Lost (super low budget but much better than this).
Also starlette Lindsay Lohan must have watched the last episode of Twin Peaks season 1, without seeing any other episodes, and thought she should act in that off key madness from start the finish no matter what state the character is going through.
Anyway the movies infamous for being the worst movie of the year award , razzie this razzie that. Its plot is about Lohan as an upper class girl Aubrey who is kidnapped and thought dead but when she is found she now thinks she is a stripped called Dakota. Two stripper movies in this pain a thon, nice. Everything thinks its trauma and that she is just now crazy… i think she is crazy.. i mean Lohan, not Aubrey or Dakota. The ridiculous stupid imagery to show violence and confuse as hilariously pretentious. Its funny how Dakota the strippe persona seems like the smarter persona as well. Trying to play off a deep murder mystery where you will take your shoe off and throw it at your tv when Lohan actually says the tite of the movie… “ I know who killed me” dun dun dun.. throws shoe…. Ok fuck this movie you teenage hipster bad movie lovers, I am gonna spoil it … In the end we find she is not crazy as she stalks the stalker and finds that she was kidnapped with her missing twin (that her mom knows nothing about) and finds Aubrey .. they are two people.. wait.. are they.. or are they dead and this is some jacobs ladder last minute hallucination or just her madness. Wait.. did her mom really not know or are they just look alike.. I dunno I didn’t pay attention enough.. but there they are. Hmmm think think.. try and remember.. hey Damien Dhark is her dad… umm ok movie make sense… nope. Oh look fake hand she not sure what parts are real and what are not… it’s so symbolic… symbolic of nothing!
So what a mystery killer knew she had a twin and got them both when no one else did.. what are they covering up? Who fucking cares!!! They cut off her hand… fuck finding the killer, just become a techno keyboard player like in the movie Vibrations. Why does a lot of this movie make me think of Vibrations .
Actually they don’t just cut her hand off , they horribly mutilate it in a near saw meets August underground type of scene that would fuck up and lindsay lohan teeny bopper watching this.. impressive … but oh her come the message filled hallucinations.. ok back to not giving a fuck about this movie. Yes I write this as i watch this.. what am I doing with my life? She is found destroyed and on the side of the road and wakes up in the hospital to see her father… her father is Damien Dhark from Arrow , I think Id lose my mind if I woke up to that too. Well that and having no foot or hand sure ok fine.
Ok fuck this dumb ass movie that thinks its so smart. I actually think knowing Chris Silvertons over work that he knew this was ironic and pretentious but fuck it anyways.
Also is it me or is it impressive that Lindsay Lohan and change between 19 and 45 in a glance, sometimes she is a gorgeous hot redhead and the next she looks like the kid from problem child grew up and became a drag queen. Oh man how cool would that be if the kid from Problem Child was one of the contestants on Rupauls drag race.. Id watch that.
AAAAnnyways this movie is annoying especially to anyone my generation. Its trying to be I know what you did last summer gone into Twin Peaks mind games but accidentally went into Showgirls with armpit fart noises. This heard my head.. maybe Im not Riot.. maybe you are me… what the fuck…. I feel like an ultra violent after school special.
I need a break. I have two more movies to go.. I will go for a jog then i will watch the final two back to back. Spring Break and Assault of the Sasquatch back to back and write about them both afterwards. So now you can all take a little break and check back later tonight to read how I survived BAD MOVIE SUMMER PAIN A THON !!!!